The Top 8 Myths about Grief Counseling Columbia, MO
After your loved one’s death, life hasn’t been the same. The way you thought the world was doesn’t seem to hold true anymore. You may feel more controlled by all the emotions coming your way. And you know you need to get some kind of help. You may have been researching Grief Therapy or Grief Counseling. You may have reached out to a few counselors, and one of them may feel like a good fit. However, something about saying yes to therapy is difficult.
I want you to have the help you need as you heal and grow through your grief. Let’s think about common perceptions about grief therapy and what the truth is.
Here are 8 myths about Grief Counseling:
Time heals all things
The National Institutes of Health estimates that 10-50% of all people need help to work through grief. At least 1 in 10 people have grief that just doesn’t happen with time. Losing a loved one is probably one of the most difficult things you may have lived through in your life and you may need someone who understands how to help you begin to heal and feel better. It may take a more purposeful and intentional approach through counseling to help you feel better. Getting help doesn’t mean you failed.
I should be able to get over this on my own
NIH estimates that when someone’s death is unexpected or the circumstances around the death are complicated, almost half of the people need help from someone else. Getting help doesn’t mean you are crazy or weak. Asking for help means the opposite. You are advocating for a healthier life and doing something good for yourself.
Crying and Talking about it will only make it worse.
The opposite is true. Telling your story and what your loved one means to you lets you release the feelings and tears you may have been keeping inside. By telling your story, you give a place for your loved one, and you will have a place to acknowledge how it hurts to not have your loved one physically with you. Talking through how you feel and hurt can help you feel less alone and allow you to think about how you want to heal.
Grief is a Bad emotion
Often, people in our society validate and hold up others who seem to move on quickly after a loss. Sometimes we tell ourselves: “After the funeral, things will be better,” “It has been three months, and I expected things to get back to normal,” “Why am I not over this yet” or “I shouldn’t breakdown in front of others and let them see my grief.” Grief comes to each of us differently; the severity of our grief depends on many circumstances, and we each heal in our own way and in our own time. Grief is neither good nor bad; it is our mind and body acknowledging the loss we have had and asking for a new way to move forward. A loss may take more time to understand and incorporate into our lives.
Grief follows a linear path
I’m sure that some days, you think things are going well, and you have made it through grief, and other days it seems like the sadness, pain, and negative emotions come out of nowhere. It is common to experience a range of emotions and not in a tidy linear fashion. When emotions come up with no warning, it may feel like you are out of control. It can be that you are seeking more understanding about your loss and are asking for a way to move forward without your loved one.
Being angry has no purpose in my healing because I shouldn’t feel this way.
You probably never expected that anger might be one of the emotions that keep surfacing. Your anger may be at the situation, others, and even toward your loved one. A majority of people experience anger after a loved one dies. You may find yourself being angry at your higher power. Anger can be scary, and you may feel like you can’t tell others about it, and being alone with your anger can be difficult. Anger has a purpose. It connects us with things we may want to understand and make sense of in a better way. It may be there to allow you to acknowledge the hurt that is hard to talk about. In grief counseling, you can have your place to be in touch with your anger and decide how you want to use your anger to help you heal.
I am burdening others when I talk about how I feel and what my loved one meant to me.
Because it is common to feel like you should have moved on and healed by now, letting others know that you are still hurting can be difficult. You may even feel ashamed that you couldn’t get over grief in what society considers a “reasonable mourning period.” You may even feel like you bring others down when you open up about your hurt and pain. Your counseling sessions are a safe space not to have to worry about burdening someone else with how you feel and how much it hurts. Your counselor will want to know how you feel and what is happening inside. Counseling is your space to talk about anything that you need to talk about.
Doing things for myself is selfish, and I am not honoring the memory of my loved one
After a loved one’s death, it may be hard to see yourself doing things you used to do with your loved one. Sleeping and eating habits may even have changed. Guilt may surface when you do something enjoyable and don’t have your loved one. You may wish that you could share this moment with your loved one, but you can’t. I can tell you that you should do things for yourself, and in your brain, you know it is true. However, in your heart, you may still feel the hurt and pain that your loved one isn’t there. Counseling can provide a place to decide how you want to remember and make a space for your loved one. How you want to remember them and stay connected to them. Having a meaningful connection to your loved one may help you feel better about doing things for yourself.
Get the help you need now
Above all, your grief journey is uniquely your own. Feeling better will happen on your timeline and in your own way. I want you to have the help you need to heal and have the life you want.
If you want to see if Grief Counseling Columbia, MO is right for you, call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation at 573-238-8575, and we can talk.
Learn more about Jerry W. Kiesling, MSW, LCSW
